Quote:
Originally Posted by jp7777
I have a two year old daughter who i love to death but the past 6 months have been horrible, I don't want to do anything. I feel so tired and stressed, I've been trying to get a job for the past year but since i went on maternity i can't find anything. Then i found out my boyfriend of 5 years has been calling escorts and doing God knows what with God knows who for the past 2 years. I just don't know what I did in life to have things to turn out this way. I am feeling so helpless because we are struggling to pay our bills and now on top of everything my boyfriend's dad has come to live with us in our 2 bedroom 750 sq. ft home. He has diabetes and refuses to look after himself so my boyfriend is making me do it. Sometimes i just want to run and never look back. I've told my boyfriend about my feelings and he just doesn't listen. I need help but don't know who to turn to. I used to have friends but my boyfriend had a problem with everyone of them so we moved away from my family too and now it's just me alone.
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Hi jp. I'm glad you found us. It sounds like you can really use a friend of any kind right now.
Babies and toddlers are wonderful people, but being a mother of a young child can be isolating. Especially if you lack finances to go places. There are very few "free" things anymore.
First off, are you and your daughter safe? The situation you are in sounds a bit abusive by any standards, and if you feel as though you are at risk, you need to contact a women's shelter ASAP.
There is no excuse for the kind of behavior your boyfriend is displaying. Actually, he is more of a captor or jailor at this point. Even under ideal conditions, having a parent come live with an established couple is difficult. It needs to be a mutual decision on the part of the "hosts", and if there is medical care involved as in this case, that responsibility falls on the adult child of the infirmed parent. If you wanted to be the caregiver, that would be one thing, but you don't, and you are also taking care of a toddler and probably doing every other job in the house as well.
There are usually places to get help unless you are out in the country. Welfare, food stamps, child care help. Don't be ashamed to use those rescources. When my son was born, I was in my freshment year of post-graduate school, and we had to rely on wicca. (I honestly can't remember what that stands for anymore). They gave us coupons for staple foods like milk, bread, cheese and some others. It really took some of the financial burden off.
The best place to start is by calling a women's shelter hotline. They usually have numbers on hand for a variety of resources that may help. Seriously think about whether you want to stay with your boyfriend or not. This is not someone who you want to be with for the rest of your life. Unless your boyfriend is willing to go to counseling and change, things are only going to escalate. You don't need that, and your daughter doesn't need to grow up seeing her mother treated badly. Most children don't start to develop long term memories until they are 3yrs old, and you still have time to get out of this situation without your daughter's psyche being at risk. You're own psyche concerns me as well. You are basically alone, in a situation on emotional if not physical abuse, without close support and I don't need to tell you that something has to give.
I don't know if your boyfriend has access to your computer, but if he does, be careful with what you leave on your computer concerning this forum. Generally, going behind a partner's back is a really bad idea, but this is an entirely different situation. Please contact a shelter, even if it is from a neighbor's house, (having your boyfriend's father there may make it difficult to do from your home), and get yourself out of that situation. You did nothing to deserve the treatment you are getting and even though its going to be very difficult for a bit, in the long run, the best thing you can do is leave.
Please keep us posted and let us know how things are going.
Sam2