Spying on you, smoking weed, spending your money and your savings, not working, keeping secrets and possibly having an affair.

Can I ask why you want to stay with this man? It seems that he's not only taking you for granted, but he's completely taking the mickey too.

I don't suppose that he wants to go to therapy as that would mean that he will admit his behaviour is wrong. So how are you going to save this marriage? Without his help, I do not think you will be able. Sorry to be blunt, but its sometimes impossible to help people who will not help themselves.

My first thought is that he may have depression, but I do not know anyone who goes skydiving with depression. He may have a mental illness, but I am no expert. His behaviour is very very strange.

Start protecting yourself, mentally and financially. First thing for me is to stop giving him money. If he wants it, he has to earn it. Stop cooking and cleaning for him. You're not his mother. He needs to start acting like a responsible adult and a proper partner, and I would not give him anything again until he either gets help professionally or contributes. Sorry.