What happened to you was not your fault, no matter what anyone else says. You have the right to choose and what happened to you was wrong. I'm sorry your parents are so difficult and that your T isnt helping you. Hopefully in time some of these wounds will heal. You have been through a lot and I think it is natural to be distraught over what is going on. Im glad you found support in big mama, she is pretty awesome for helping you through this. I would suggest to try and sorround youself with people that care about you. That is what has helped me get through my problems. I hope things get better. You never deserved to suffer so much.