I understand Maranara, I have felt that way myself too. I think that what you have to learn to do is recognize that often other people dont have "good or healthy motives". If your "motives" are good then you have to learn to keep giving yourself permission to push forward with a firm mindset "inspite" of others. The one person you have to build a "trust" in is yourself.

When someone developes PTSD, they tend to react more or be more sensitive. But that doesn't mean you have to tell yourself to "continue to be that way". That is what many people who struggle with PTSD do not realize they can change and actually heal from. The constant thought is that because they get triggered or even have anger, that means they have to practice those emotions.

For example, if someone happens to "hurt" us, and we see that it is "not fair or wrong" and it causes us to lose something somehow, that doesn't mean we have to keep being "angry and want revenge". It also doesn't mean we have to keep constantly deciding to "feel hurt or some kind of unworthiness" either.

I have been working on "observing myself in a new way" and recognizing that when I recall things that others have done wrong to me in my past, that I can choose to know it was wrong, but instead of constantly telling myself I "have to" be angry, I tell myself to recognize that I am angry and that when I allow myself to "feel that" I allow myself to also get upset inside.

I have every reason to harbor anger against my careless neighbor because they were so careless that it cost me more than I ever dreamed. One day I was out doing barn chores and I could hear them laughing and having fun, and I began to get angry. Then, I paid attention to how the anger I was allowing myself to feel, was affecting "me" and interupting my day. Then I began to realize that "my anger" was hurting "me" and not them. Then I realized, "wait a minute, why am I hurting myself this way, I don't deserve to hurt myself". So right then and there I began to decide to let it go and choose not to "hurt myself" and to my surprise, I managed it better.

What we tend to do that we do not realize is we begin to think that "we have to have an emotion and cause ourselves to suffer". The truth is, we actually do have a choice. We actually "can" observe our own reactions to things and slowly make a conscious effort to pay attention to how we unknowingly think we have to push ourselves into feeling bad about ourselves.

The whole purpose of "healing" is all about slowly learning to pay attention to the messages we send ourselves that cause us to feel bad or hurt or unworthy. Instead, we have to think about who we are, that if we have good life motives, and want to "try", we actually do not have to "punish ourselves or allow others to send us messages where we have to believe them to a point where we have to "self punish".

Look at PC, and listen with your mind. There are so many that talk about their pain and personal challenges. What does that mean? Well, what that means is that you are not as alone as you think you are, instead of being "distant or alone" you are actually part of, part of being human just like everyone else.

What you have to do is you have to learn to look at others in a different way, and recognize much of what they deal with deep inside them, is very much like you struggle too. If you wonder if you are worthy, well, so do others. If you say to yourself, "no one seems to like me or understand me", then you must realize, many others also feel that way.

Someone can say to themselves that they are ugly or not as good as so their life is hard. But honestly, someone can be very attractive and have challenges that people tend to truely not see. A person can be "attractive" and be just as hated as an ugly person. A person can be an attactive female that men just want to take advantage of, if she is nice, all the better because she wont see it coming. So, it can be every bit as hard for someone who "seems to look the part and not be what someone considers unattractive".

So what everyone needs to recognize is the relativity of their perceptions. That what is most important is to develope the ability to understand the importanced of "self respect" and finally commiting to true "self care". In other words, a person who believes they are less than can condemn themselves for it, but a person who is beautiful can also wish they were not because they can attract alot of bad from that too and have just as much pain.

If you have good motives, then find your way to "honoring yourself" and committing to learning to go forward with "self respect" inspite of the issues other people have that are "unhealthy". The truth is, none of us can be "in charge" of others, however we "can" learn to be "in charge" of ourselves, we truely can.

Open Eyes