It's Friday.

Son moved out last Saturday and still haven't spoken to him or seen him. Just a couple of texts asking for something of me. (Can I bring laundry over? No! Your apartment is full of roaches and I don't want them infesting my house. Can I store a piece of furniture in your garage to sell on Craigslist? No! I don't want Craigslist people coming to my house.)

I don't have a job (fired around Thanksgiving) so I don't have to get up, get ready, and then be somewhere by 8:00 a.m. When my alarm goes off, I tend to lie there for a little while, staring into space. Or I think, "I don't have to get up. I can stay right here as long as I want." Or I put an hour on the timer of my phone and close my eyes.

Yesterday I forced myself to meet people for lunch.

Last night I got a call that a relative I haven't seen for over a year is in town and wants to have lunch or dinner today. I thought, "Crap! I don't want to get up, shower, put myself together, meet this person, and make small talk. It will cut into my wallowing time."

One of my very few social events consists of meeting a small group of people on Friday nights for dinner at someone's house. Lately, it's all I can do to store up energy through the week to be able to attend this dinner.

I should be in the shower right now, getting ready to meet the relative for lunch.

Does anyone else out there lie in bed in the morning, dreading the day, wondering how you'll fill the hours, instead of thinking today is a gift and you should jump out of bed and make the most of it?

I've spent thousands of dollars on courses and webinars and books, and flown many miles to attend live conferences and workshops to learn about how to have a positive mindset, set goals, do what you're meant to do instead of doing a job, find your purpose in the world, live your purpose, etc., yet I dread getting out of bed.

Unless I'm hypomanic, which has not been the case for many months, and I really miss it. I'm a creative person and my work requires creativity. I need that shot of hypo.