I like big mama too she is so insightful and intense. Are you having a kidney removed or something like that. i had kidney problems my whole life, as i had scarlet fever as a kid and it left scar marks on my kidneys, but they work well now. the things that happen to you are not your fault, even if their are so many things, it's almost like where' the answer for why does bad things happen to good people. i often ask myself that when i know what i've been through, i don't know the answer but i was taught it is because we suffer for each other and god loves us very much, even though you yourself feel like you're being punished. you definately are not a bad person, and if you stick around for the rest of your life you may even start to see the good things and not count the bad, something excellent could be around the corner that you can't see yet.i hope you feel better you are too young for all that stuff to be happening and i say just know you are suffering for all of us.i am trying not to bring my religion into this but that's what i believe, hope you have a better life soo, avlady