Aw Girl...bless your heart.

You aren't a curse, by any stretch of the imagination. There's no way you can be held responsible for those things you listed. Please, don't let yourself feel responsible for the bad things around you that you have no control over. You are not the cause of those things.

I am so sorry that you've endured so much, and that you've received so little support at home. Please, if you take nothing else from this post, please understand that the people who would DARE say that you're at fault for what happened to you are absolutely, 100% WRONG. I am glad you recognize that...but I had to say that. But look at yourself...you've endured all this, and look at you! Look at what you've posted. You've displayed SO much strength and courage in the face of such overwhelming adversity...good God Girl, you should be proud. You've stepped up when your parents were lacking (something you should not have to do, and I am sorry you have found yourself in that position...but still, very admirable ), you're an honors student, and you've held strong against SI. You're being so brave and so strong in the face of so much...take pride in that Girl. These things cannot last, and once you're able to be on your own and conduct your own life in accordance with what Girl wants, I've no doubt you'll do great things. I do mean that.

Lastly, there's no way I could, in good faith, finish this post without echoing your sentiments. Big Mama is a fantastic poster, a great person, and a good friend. I'm glad to have met her here.

Take care Girl, and please, if I can do anything for you, I'm only a PM away. Know I will be praying for a good doctor's report, and I hope the tests come back favorable, and that they'll be able to fix whatever is hurting you so.

Hugs, and all my best,
Harley