Sannah, I don't know what really triggered I do hate my life a lot and the person I became. I look at myself as a failure. And, I guess each year around this time (my birthday) I do get depressed because I miss my mother a lot. I look back at this time last year and I was in the hospital for trying to commit suicide. Since I wrote this post yesterday I cut four more times and still have not gone to work. I've been in touch with my therapist and she has been in touch with my psychiatrist because they all walk a thin line with me because they are afraid of what I am going to do. Quite honestly, I do not even want to move from my couch. I did not even go to volleyball lastnight which I love to do. There's just so much going on in my head of why I don't like myself and why I'm depressed and then there's the fact that Ive been dealing with a problem with my foot so I'm constantly in pain and I go for shots everyweek because I don't want the surgery because it involves my achilles tendon and I really don't want someone messing with it so I just deal with the pain. I don't know I know that if I do lose my job because I've been home depressed it will make me even more depressed and feel even more like a failure. It's just so much. I just need to stop cutting.