I'm sorry that therapy isn't an option right now. There are support groups out there, but it depends on where you live and your schedule and it isn't really the same as a therapy relationship.

I do have an idea that might sound a little strange at first, but it might be worth trying to see. My therapist is an analyst and a psychiatrist, but he uses many different techniques and with people with trauma, especially who feel in need of safety and a tendency to dissociate, he has used a version of hypnosis, that you can use yourself.

First you imagine a beautiful, special place that is completely safe and private and you have complete control over who or what can come there. I imagined a tropical island and described it in detail. Then he asked me to close my eyes and imagine a staircase that would bring me to that place.

He counted slowly backwards, after doing a complete body relaxation, from 10 to 1, with each step getting more and more relaxed until I reached the special place. He asked if I wanted to be by myself and I asked him to come with me. He asked me to describe what I saw and what was going on. He said there was magic in this place, things that would shrink those I was fearful of, and stuff like that. After a while of playing there, we returned by the staircase, counting from 1 back to 10. I recorded it on my phone so I can play as a self-soothing, relaxation tape, or I can just go there on my own.

Sometimes if I feel like it I draw this place so it feels even stronger and I know it's always there for me no matter what else is happening.