this sounds familiar to me, heh.

she says she doesn't hate you - this is of course always a good sign. she says she loves you and you're her best friend - this is also good. when she says her feelings are gone, it means the light that lit her fire for you is dwindling or gone. it means she loves you, but she's not IN love with you. and yes, there is a difference, if only for women, haha.

she needs time but she doesn't want space because she doesn't want you to go away. she wants to work on this, she wants to find that fire again and build it back up. her saying she's willing to go to counseling for as long as it takes is proof that she wants to rebuild your relationship.

it's going to take her a LONG time to forgive you or let you back into her heart. you have to be willing to give her that time. this goes back to the #2 you mentioned. my husband (before he was my husband) and i went through this a long time ago. he gave me time to learn how to trust him, and he did everything in his power to make sure that he gave me no reason to lose that trust again.

it is REALLY hard to fall back in love with someone after you've fallen out of it, and just as hard if not harder to learn how to trust again.

you say that "in some ways it sounds like she is just willing to put in the time and not the effort" but (and please don't be offended by this) you're not inside her mind so you can't know how much effort she is making to tear down those walls. it could take years. with my husband and i, i am STILL tearing down walls, and i'm constantly putting them right back up again. it is a battle, to love and be loved. as cliched as that sounds, it's true. love isn't tangible, it isn't solid and you can't see it, so it's really hard to hold on to sometimes and it's even harder to grab again once you've lost it or let go.

i hope this helps. it may just be more gibberish but i can relate to how she might be feeling with all of this.