...
I need support, but I don't know what or how... so much going on in my head and I want to cry... I had wanted to si earlier, but that went away... now I just want to cry and hide and... be back with my old therapist so all this other **** wouldn't be an issue... having to decide between 2 therapists that I don't even really know yet... and wanting support, but finding nothing in this whole f-ing state! I hate this. And I have to get it together for an interview tomorrow... ugh... not even music is helping ground me right now, tho it is at least keeping me in the atmosphere... so so emotionally tired. I just want to give it all up and say forget it to being in therapy, though that would ultimately be a bad decision... just feeling rejected and lost and hopeless that any of this gets better for long. if I could justify si without losing my relationship, I would be doing it... but right now that is all I have left and I am holding on for dear life...