You make sense to me. It sounds like we do have a lot in common.

A lot of people tend to think that self-destructiveness is done for attention, but you're right. That can't be the only reason anyway, since most of the time the self-destructiveness is kept secret as much as possible. Still, one of my missions in life seems to be to point out that attention is a legitimate need, and there isn't anything wrong with needing it.

It sounds like you have a good pdoc (and I hope that you will tell her more about your concerns so that she can help you), and also a good husband, who loves you without making your behavior a condition for approval. Would you like him to try to stop you from binging? I don't know if he could, and he probably doesn't know either, but if you would like him to intervene you might talk to him about trying to remind you that you don't really want to eat that much at one time. Liking yourself, at least some of the time, is a good start towards getting better. So is having a couple of good support people.

Wendy

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>