Though I get the point that what happens in therapy isn't like what is described in books and I don't want to argue about that, but the truth is that books are helpful, especially when things in therapy don't feel right. You can find relief there. I certainly have.

I don't think the problem is the books or their influence, but rather that the therapist doesn't seem to be understanding or there is a trust issue that hasn't been worked out yet. That you say the therapist has "minimized" your experience is a bad sign. It can cause harm because it becomes what is known as "secondary wounding," when people don't take in the full effects of what you feel, especially about a trauma.

The best way to approach an issue with therapy is to raise as directly as you can. This does take some courage and can be uncomfortable at first, but remember the therapist works for you so they are not in charge; you are. And if you don't feel satisfied, you have every right to say. In fact you almost have a duty to yourself and well-being to take action.

Sometimes people aren't well-matched or grow out of the relationship. It's perfectly okay to decide to get a referral to someone else. I have done so before and now am so glad that I did though while it was going on I felt bad about possibly hurting my former therapist's feelings as well as being uncertain about the new one. Trust your gut instincts if you can. You can tell a lot about the therapist by their quality of voice, responsiveness, and ability to catch on quickly.