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I am NOT staying because I have "loving" feelings toward him. I actually really resent him and especially me as I have allowed this to go on for so long. I feel like I have wasted so much of my life devoted to someone who has given back so very little. I am responsible for this behavior of mine and for allowing him to control me; however, I don't know how long I should give it to see if he's truly changing or just pacifying me for now.
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Maybe you can set some criteria & goals. Are you both attending relationship counselling? If he's unwilling, is that then a deal breaker? What would you say you are willing to tolerate? Perhaps you can determine a "passing" level and time period that you'd need at a minimum in order to feel ok. What would be the ideal... things that he would not necessarily achieve, but you'd like nevertheless.
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The other part of me feels obligated to stay and give things one last chance as I've always had strong beliefs in commitment to marriage and not getting divorced. I just don't know what to do. Any thoughts are appreciated.
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I know what you mean here.
I've got a similar situation.
I too often see and hear about marriages falling apart. Sometimes people give up too easily. The ones that are together still, are obviously not perfect, but they stuck it out. Then there's the relationships where someone is cheating or physically abusing... such things are a deal breaker to me and time to leave.