I knew tonight was going to be bad but still, I had hope. As usual any hopes I ever have for the future are ruined. The visit with my girlfriend went sour and I had to walk out. She just had to press me about what was wrong with me. She had to push and I broke down hysterical crying. I had asked her to contain her happiness to a minimum and she was doing good for awhile but now wants to go back to her old ways. I didn't know how to explain it to her except to say that you don't go around parading your own happiness in front of someone who is drowning. Then, she has to ask me why I'm drowning?? Really? She didn't know? Let me count the ways:

1) I have no children
2) I have no one to love me
3) I'm unattractive to men
4) I have no one to hold me and comfort me
5) I have nothing and no one to live for

No I'm not killing myself. I'm just upset. If this is not a trigger, then I don't know what is. She wanted me to stay and watch a movie and get my mind off things. That's not the answer. There is no answer and she certainly could not help me. No one can help me. I even feel sorry for my T because I know he wants to help me but can't. I have to block all of this out of my mind. I have to block it out in order to function. I can't rehash this with her all the time. It is to much for me. I need my T to comfort me. I have to wait until next week. Sorry, I needed to vent here. PC is my little secret that no one knows about. TG no one here knows me.