I don't really know where to start or really what this is about, but I don't feel so good.
I was feeling good, even an hour ago, but all of the sudden, I don't.
I feel kind of down, sad, unloved, and alone.
I'm not really sure why I began to feel this way, because I was fine all day..
I've been having pretty good several days, but right now, I don't feel so good.
I feel empty. I feel like nothing matters and nothing is important.
Does anybody ever have that feeling?? Like when all of the sudden, you just feel this extreme sadness and emptiness and you just don't know what to do?? I don't even know why i'm writing this...
I don't know what to do with myself. Usually, when I feel this way, I just go in my room and lay on my bed, listening to music. Sometimes i cry and I don't know why.
I get so frustrated because I have NO idea what went wrong. I'm just upset.. and very unhappy.
It's like i feel that noone cares.. not even me.
I don't care about anything or anyone, including myself. I hate everything and everyone.. including myself.
And then i feel guilty. I feel guilty about not appreciating my family and everything else that not everybody else has.. I feel guilty that my life is good compared to many people's lives.
But no matter how guilty I feel about it, I can't change how i feel.. I still don't care.
It doesn't matter.
It makes me want to give up forever.
Why does my mood change like that?? I have no idea what is wrong with me..
The other day, I went to the mall with my brother.. We decided that we wanted to go see a movie.. He started being picky on what we were going to watch and we started arguing.. I got mad and then sad..
I almost burst into tears, for really no reason.. right there, in front of everybody..
He told me that I was waaayy too emotional, and maybe I am. But I dont know why.
I'm not even allowed to be on this website right now..
I am almost 18 years old and my parents treat me as if I was 10.. I'm not allowed to even watch a stupid rated R movie! They unplug our cables to our TV's at 11:00 pm.. we only have local cable.. there's no porn on TV.. it drives me insane.. I'm not even one of those crazy party girls that sleeps with her boyfriends.. %#@&#!, I don't even date. I stay away from anything that my parents wouldn't approve of..
My dad is yelling at me at this moment to get offline..
He doesn't know exactly what I'm doing.. But he's afraid that I'm on myspace talking to my friends, which I dont' even do anymore cuz I hate my friends..
If he only knew that this makes me feel better.. If he knew how i trully felt right now, at this very moment..
If he knew, he would just say that i'm too emotional and I make a big deal out of nothing and that I'm a drama queen..
And maybe i am.. but I can't help it..
I just feel like %#@&#!.
Okay.. well so much for feeling better.