Thanks...

Ugh... I feel so overloaded right now... and the problems keep coming. I'm a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding this weekend, and I found out today that, though I've lost weight, my dress won't fit because my ribcage is too big. So I spent the whole afternoon searching for another - at least we're all wearing different dresses, so it doesn't have to match, but I haven't found anything that's really right, and I missed all my classes today in the process. So I'll get up early tomorrow and try another mall... what a mess. I think I've managed to wear blisters on my feet, too, from searching in flip-flops all day.

I'm tempted to just skip the rest of my classes this week and work extra hard next week... I don't know. I'm also really concerned that I'm going to crash and end up in the hospital and not be able to finish my classes - again. I can't keep doing this...

And then there's that old familiar pull to just end it all... I know I'll be safe this week, I won't mess with the wedding. But after that, I don't know how I'll keep safe... it's SO hard... I don't even want to be safe...

Then there's so much more I don't even know how to express... some really tough things have come up the last few days... I'm so tired of trying to deal with it.