yeah i mean porn. I have been watching porn since I was 14 and now I'm 17. I can't believe the years flew by so fast. I have tried a lot of things for help, but nothing seemed to work so I lost hope. I lost hope in god. I thought that if i let nature take its course then I would be able to withstand it much better. Well turns out things are just the same, only now the void is not so big anymore. I hear many miraculous stories about how people have been saved and everything, well every time I get back up, I fall into it again. What's the point? Don't teenagers usually outgrow their addictions once they hit 18 or something? I honestly want to get rid of my computer and my internet but not until another year. I wish I can but since my parents own it, i just can't throw it away. All I wish I can do is get one of the phone jacks fixed so that I can put it out in the living room so that my parents can actually see me doing what I'm doing so that I won't have to live like this in secret. I can't do this anymore. I am here to bring out the real me. I wish I never discovered pornography. Accidental porn ruins it all. What's worse is that it comes with a lot of shame and guilt. and when I don't feel guilty, I feel like I have to make myself feel ashamed. I feel like someone should punish me for the things i did, or punish myself so that I can just compensate for all the loss that I have incurred upon myself. False shame and guilt again and again. Most of the time I'm alone at home. My parents leave me at home and I hardly go out because I have no idea where to meet my friends and where they live so we can schedule an appointment together outdoors.
all i need is to be able to go out again into the real world on weekends. I have realized that this is the problem that's been plaguing me for years. When I'm outdoors I am less likely to watch pornography. now that I've seen so many, I feel like they're not worth it and are telling me lies.