i don't think about it. it just so happens that when i do masturbate, i dwell on it. normally my mind is blank. but when I'm alone and if I'm on the internet, then I'll be tempted to look elsewhere. I want to go out with my friends on the weekends, but since it's junior year and a lot of students are taking aps and preparing for the sat exams there's no way I can get out of it. Plus I don't feel motivated to leave home and I don't see why I should unless my books from the library are due. Ever since I moved here, I've been isolated from my childhood friends but I have made some; it's just so different here. i am sick of it. I need to stop. You think it's not that big of a deal, but I think it is, because before I had a life, which meant I went out and did things with friends; Now i feel like a total loner. sometimes the friends i have don't understand me and they can offer no help whatsoever because obviously some of them are probably stuck in the same position as i am, but how can they be? they're studying for subjects that take up 3 hours of reading and I'm not. I wish I did. I have no life.