Ok - not really sure where I am going with what I am about to write tonight, but I feel the need to release - I need an outlet....... for I feel stuck.

Sigh! Breath! Sigh!
As many of you already know on here I have been thru some really bad sexual abuse as a child, it started at age 2 and continued until I was 12 years old, and then I had to deal with sexual abuse happening again as a young adult. And I have had to deal with my husband cheating on me once before we married and with him being an out right womanizer in public and with him having a ten year battle with porn during our marriage, that which only lead to his rejection of me during his struggle. And of course their is the issue of my dad leaving ME, my mom and our family for a younger woman..... the baby sitter (he cheated often and was never around or worth trusting.

And then I had to cope with the coming of age with my first son and his temptation to lust after women and to look at porn on the computer...... he has since grown up a lot and does not do the looking / lusting stuff on the computer..... but he still like the girls - (smiles, as he should at 21).

NOW!! - I am beside myself after living 40 years, most of my life with sexually perverted males and their porn filled lusting mind and eyes..... why am I beside myself you ask? - because now I am starting the battle again with my 16 yr old son, and I am not as strong as I once was emotional, as to handle this matter, but again.
I have come across sexually explicit pictures in my sons room (for the 2nd time) - and I am just not sure that I can handle it all...... I am tired of fighting against a battle of the eyes - that which a lot of guys naturally come to due to how our society has made this trash so easily to get to and to view.

I have talked to my husband about what I found and where I think our son got the material from - the same place he got the first ones from - his best friends house... and I have let my husband know that I greatly need his help and support here, for I personally do not have the energy or strength to go at this alone. I told him that I think after being a dad for 22 years that it is about time that he has a sex talk with his son.... I usually do all the talking to them about any thing and everything, but I feel they need a male POV this time around and that maybe my husband can finally open up with his sons and let them in on the struggle and harm that his lustful eyes / mind created for him, our marriage and the love we hold for one another.

I am really trying to remain sane here and to not let my own inner wounds in this area control me..... that is why I have talked to my husband and why I am releasing it all to my good PC Friends - to remain calm and present as I deal with my son and the matter at hand.

Beside not letting our son go back over to his friends house for we found out that his mother does not have any guards or protection on their home computer and that they have been viewing porn while over there, hence were the latest nude pictures came from, we are still trying to come up with a consequence that fits the crime..... all that we can think of is to take his computer time and video games away from him for either one or two weeks and to have him do extra chores around the house during this time.
And - we are going to have his friend over to the house and set them both down and have a talk with them about all of this.
....... WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK ABOUT THIS? - is it fair or not enough?

I need help from all of my friends for I am drained and I fear my insanity in the week to come for that darn PMDD that haunts me so during my monthly period if just around the corner..... I can feel its pull all ready.

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HELP!! HELP!! HELP!!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -