Anyway I decided to go back to college a 2nd time .My job is OK but it a dead end job and it is nothing I am passion at about doing forever. Retail sucks and I do not like it at all so it was time to do something new. Working night crew for the rest of my life is no fun and there no wear to go in retail.My job just does not pay well like $18 an hour will not feed a family even working full time.

I have only be getting 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night with a nap in between .
here is my weekly schedule.

work: sun-fri - 11:30 pm till 8:30 am

class taking two class 10:30am till 1:30pm mon-wed-fri
study mon-wed-fri 2pm till 6pm
study tue - thurs 10 am till 6pm
sleep at 7pm every night and get up at 10:50 pm

weekends i do not work but get up at 6am and study until 10am and eat then go to the library until 6pm and go home to study some more .

Sacrificing sleep to become successful and no time for a girlfriend ,no time for friends or family and giving up every thing not related to work or studying.

The desire to feel like i am not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing—to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself, but it helps .

I'm constantly tortured by a sense of failure.When I'm feeling in a darker place, my perception is that everything sucks and even though I've done this, it seems I should have done more. Trying to stay grateful helps.

Anyway last weeks was crazy I felt good going to work then drove to school and felt like crying did some of that in the car got it together then went to class left school and was happy as can be.

On a good week I will get 30 hours of sleep on a bad week 21 hours of sleep.

I take adderall 30 mg and I have tried provigil it keeps you up for 22 hours I need to work and go to class.

So is this life style making me depressed? I feel crap by weeks end and emotionally drained by weeks end. What can I do not to feel depressed other then sleep more.