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Feb 11, 2013, 01:45 AM
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Member Since: Jan 2013
Posts: 35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theatremom
i asked my husband of 15 years (together 20) for a divorce. at first he was agreeable, but now i am not so sure. he agreed to let us (our son and I) live here until i could get a better job and save some money. he is acting like nothing is wrong and everything is fine. he still tells me he loves me. i feel like i have to say it back but most of the time i don't. i am not in love with him any more and i don't want to remain married. i am trying to act like we are separated but he is not. any advice? as soon as i get the money together, i am going to file for a separation.
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Maybe he does not take you seriously. When you say you love him back, I think that undermines your seriousness in the matter. I don't want to doubt you but I wonder too. I personally would have waited until I had at least seen a lawyer. I have been divorced twice. The first divorce, we fought, and I left and I never came back. I went to my Mom's house and she took his calls. I never went back and moved to another state far away. The second divorce, I informed him w/separation papers. Even w/that, he seemed to doubt me at first even though I had been making it clear that I was unhappy for quite awhile. I quickly disabused him of his doubts by moving into the guest bedroom. I also told him why I wanted a divorce. I reinforced by reminding him to get a lawyer repeatedly. If you are truly serious, don't tell him you love him, tell him why you want a divorce and maybe you need proof of intention.
I was friends w/ my exes after our divorces. Not right away, but within a year or so. I think I handled those divorces okay.
In the interest of informing you of unintended consequences and as a reminder that a divorce is about him as well as you, I do have a cautionary tale. I had a disagreement w/my second husband, mentioned divorce as a possibility, and I left and went to a movie. I was already wondering why I had married him, but I was not ready to call it quits. I did come home from the movies, but he had shot himself dead. I think it is important to be aware of your husband's mental state and his state of mind at the time you inform him, which is in your case when he understands you mean it. I will always regret that I was so self-involved that I did not see my husband's distress and mental state.
I am just cautioning you, and hopefully I did not freak you out. He had other problems (besides me) too. -GC
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By Grace Claire - because Grace and Claire were both taken
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