Yeah, I know the feeling. I am so jealous of people who can eat just one piece of cake, or one or two cookies... I'm living in Europe at the moment, and they always like to have their afternoon coffee and cake... for me this is like a nightmare! But why does it have to be that way? Why can't I enjoy it like everyone else...?

I've never had a normal relationship with food. My entire family is super morbidly obese. I was too as a kid, and picked on for it. Now I just get stuck cycling through anorexia or bulimia... for the last... almost 9 years. Wow, that's almost 50% of my lifespan right there!

I don't have to look perfect or have a perfect figure... I wish I could just eat, and enjoy what food actually tastes like... and not have to try to figure out what thing on the menu has the least amount of calories in it... and not eat in the strange ways that I do. But I can't even imagine what "normal eating" would be like... it's almost scary to think about!