My physical pain is being treated with morphine. It's like the difference between night and day.
The depression remains, disturbingly.
The danger is that now that the physical pain is gone, I will withdraw from people and go back into hiding. I have followed that pattern regularly.
The physical pain forced me to reach out and now that it's gone, I feel the urge to isolate myself...strongly...from everyone and everything...even online links forged here. I felt it today when I tried to go to Church services today. I panicked and found a lonlier spot.
It is easy to isolate myself in that Church. Though I am going as Doug asked, I am still cutting myself off
raying alone, singing hymns in the bathroom, attending services by sitting at the very back.
Ancient patterns. Being with people frightens me. It's unnatural. It's scary. I'm defective and I know I don't belong in a free society. Besides, those people could hurt me at any time.
My parents had me locked up in a psychiatric institute when I was seven. As far as I'm concerned, they should never have let me leave. I'm a freak of nature. My wiring's screwed up. I should be locked up for my own good.
There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.