I've posted over in the Psychotherapy forum about my cognitive distortions and screwy thinking. This is along the same lines, but I think it belongs in Self-Esteem.

Reading a bit further in The Feeling Good Handbook , I came to a chapter on developing healthy personal values. The chapter started with a list of self-defeating ones, about half of which I have. I ended up doing a cost-benefit analysis on one of them that has been a particularly persistent problem for me. Even recognizing it as a problem, I've never been able to let go of it. It was drilled into me so much, I guess.

I am basically defective and inferior to other people.

The advantages of believing this are:
<UL><LI>Keeps me humble. <LI>Provides a reason and explanation for failure. <LI>People tend to support and favor the underdog. <LI>When I do succeed at something it means more because of the personal defects I had to overcome. <LI>Association with others with this attitude - they tend to be humble and mostly nice people. <LI>Vulnerability is more appealing to others than winning all the time.[/list]
By this time I was pretty convinced that I have good reasons for considering myself basically defective and inferior. But you have to identify the disadvantages too:

<UL><LI>Continual self-doubt. <LI>I don't try as hard because I don't think I can succeed. <LI>Second-guessing myself - assuming that others know better and I am always wrong. <LI>Low self-esteem. (I think I started crying at about the second one, and had to stop and cry for a while by the time I got to this point). <LI>Defining myself by my defects/what's wrong with me. <LI>Disregarding or avoiding successes because they are incongruent with my identity. <LI>Feeling unworthy to associate with successful people because they wouldn't want me around. <LI>The kind of people who want me to be vulnerable are not healthy for me and will try to keep me down.[/list]
I still came up with 40% favoring keeping that belief and 60% that I need to reject it. It has been a strong one. But that is 20% more for rejecting it, so I have to revise it. That's the hard part.

Revised belief:
[b]Everyone has flaws and vulnerabilities. Nobody is a success at everything all the time. It's more pleasant to be around people who have humility, but not to those who are self-depracating.