Hi guys,

It has been a while since I have been online, things have been improving and moving forward-ish in my treatment and recovery. I can actually think of the term recovery which speaks volumes as to how far I have come.

I have come across a upcoming storm which I know is going to rock the boat and I am so nervous and scared.

I have damaged a gum at the front of my mouth, the pointy one. Brushing too hard has receded the gum. I am 31 and I have never had a filling or work done and have nice, straight teeth a little staining my biggest problem. They can fix it with a gum graph but they will only do it if I quit smoking.

This is not to scary in itself but it will also mean giving up weed.

I depend on weed to keep me calm, quiet and still my mind and protect me from the crazy thoughts. If I quit then there will be nothing to slow me down. I already had to stop drinking because it ended up being drunk is a trigger so I have nothing to turn to that will alter and quiet my mind.

I am booked in to see the nurse at my GP's for smoking cessation on Thursday so I have not started yet, in panic I bought three bags so I can splurge until then, I am so scared. What if this makes me tumble out of control again I can't go to that place, I might not survive it always leads to an overdose and hospitalisation.

Your advice, guidance and experiences would be so much appreciated.