No you're not making it up.

I think sometimes holes just happen. That's why we have bipolar and are not those non-bipolar people, who only have potholes instead of big gaping maws.

Suicidal thoughts don't always require depression. I know this quite well. I used to get them when manic, like high speed manic. I used to get them just because.... and I mean, full blown thoughts not just those little ones that speed passed. That's why I call it the suicide demon. It kind of has a mind of its own sometimes...