So much didn't make sense to me lately until I discovered something tonight.

I just couldn't figure out why my typically narc partner basically 'wrote me off' and was nasty to me when I came home from work one night last week when I came home from work. We'd been doing alright before that.

Then when I reached out affectionately the following day, shes mean to me. And then is nasty ever since and followed me around taunting me for four days after morning noon and night, until I cant' take it any more. It's like shes desperate for something to blame me for. (needs ammunition) Trying to find ways to provoke me and have something that would allow her to 'write me off', instead of needing me anymore. And I'm just so confused why this person can't respect my desire to be alone, free of being taunted, so I can just have some peace.

All I was asking for was some space away from this taunting and to be left alone, but I'm given no respect of that. Of course when I can't take it any more I yell and swear... things I regret and later apologize for.

My partner however... no remorse, regret, or willing to admit ANY wrongdoing. Unable to apologize for continually harassing and provoking me, literally chasing me around the house. And inventing things... like making it sound like I'm violent!! But I never have and will never be!!

Days of fighting follow where I'm being harassed and can't make any sense of why my partner is acting this way.

UNTIL today I discover that on the VERY SAME DAY she seems to have simply decided I don't matter to her anymore, she also found a new 'crush' who appears to have accepted her as her "understudy", and now suddenly she's been making secret plans to leave and go away with them in the next few months.

When I confront her with this, she gets super viscous and continues attacking me about all the fighting that happened the days afterwards. But still no admitting of all this deceit that's been going on secretly behind my back all this time.

Wow suddenly it all makes sense now, what didn't before. And I'm pretty sure this is again typical of the narc person. For years I couldn't figure out why my partner would act this way, then I learned about narcs and it all started to fall into place.

Why am I married to a narcissist? They are so evil, sadistic and painful to spend your life with!!!!! I'm turning increasingly to alcohol to numb the pain, and crying myself to sleep. Which is not good. I don't want to have substance addiction. I just hate this so much I feel like I'm dying inside.

I've no friends anymore.. they've all gotten busy with life and I've lost contact.

On sunday it was so hard to just wake up and take baby steps through life.

I know I should find a therapist to talk to, and am happy I've found psych central.

I almost can't accept the idea of ending my marriage no matter how painful it is.. I guess I was raised with this 'marriage is sacred' ideal. I must be a masochist or something.

I just can't cope with the idea that my marriage ends... or that I keep living with this psyco person.

Wow I need help.