Speaking from experience, this sounds like a textbook abusive relationship. You're harboring doubts because *he* planted them there. The most insidious aspect of any abusive relationship is the emotional manipulation: the push/pull dynamic, the apologetic guy-you-fell-in-love-with magically reappearing whenever he senses your growing determination to leave, the guilt trips, etc., etc. He knows you're much, much too good for him, and so he has to play his mind games and attempt to finagle his way into your heart.

I would advise you to seek support from a group for abused women and/or a therapist who specializes in treating abuse victims. You need to know you aren't alone, and you need a reliable source of validation that you're seeing things clearly and doing what's right for you (and your kids).

Best wishes, and please keep us updated. Oh, and I think Hamster is right on about the cleaning service! I wonder if you can get that included in the divorce settlement