Not sure if this needed to be categorized as a trigger but figured I'd be safe and just do it.

I'm a single 27 year old man that's never been in a relationship. I've been putting on a face of being okay with being alone for years but now that my 28th birthday is upon me it's started to really hurt to think about. I don't want to be alone, but I have no self esteem and feel completely undesirable. I can't pinpoint any reason why I've never really dated anyone. An issue that often comes up for me that's just a "Let's stop this before it starts" is the fact I don't work. Money is a huge reason I don't even give dating a consideration. The only girl I've ever really gone on dates with I decided to break up with because I thought it was unfair to her if I moved cities and to this day it feels like the biggest mistake I've made in my life. I'm painfully alone. It reminds me of a quote from the movie Magnolia where Donnie says "I really do have love to give, I just don't know where to put it".

This is just one of many factors that has me worried that I'm headed towards suicide. The other major contributing thing to this notion is that my mind is trying to make it happen by ruining everything good and taking away my reasons for living. Last year I ended a friendship with someone I had known for over 10 years, and now one of my other friendships is most definitely on the rocks and I've known him for 13. I don't make a lot of friends, but when I do they're usually really intense and meaningful. The thing is I haven't gotten close to anyone since these 5 guys I met years and years ago. I'm not sure if it's because I felt like I had enough friends or what, but anyways, I seem to be systematically destroying these friendships.

I tried talking in the support chat a few times and I always leave frustrated with people somehow turning the conversation onto them. I'd really appreciate it if people that respond refrain from that as much as possible. I don't ask for much, but when I do I hope people would respect that I need to be focused on in that moment and this is one of those.

I need tangible advice on how to start my life and get away from this incredible pain I feel from the fact that nothing seems like it'll ever change and what I did today will be just as pointless as the day before so what's the point?

Thanks for your time all.