Feria, I'm sorry you are in this situation. Although the details were different, in the end at one time I found myself in same type of circumstance.

I don't know if you just need to get it all out or are you trying to find your way to a place of hope. It is good you are to post how you feel. I just want you to know whether the support is: 1. You are not alone, 2. You need advice from a therapist, or 3. You need feedback from PC members.

I write these words so the support best suits your needs can be determined. Take care.