No, neither, hamster. I made some bad choices for myself. I treated myself and those around me like crap, including him. A bunch of us from school would often go out to the bars and drink. One time, J rode in my car to the bar. Well, I got drunk as usual and hooked up with someone. J had to find a ride home with someone else. That is one incident that gets thrown back at me. Another issue is that when he first said he wanted to date me, I didn't take him seriously. I had watched him want to date a lot of my friends. I thought at the time he was just going down the line, and I was next. So I told him if he wanted to date me, he had to dress nicer and stop smoking pot. I didn't think he would do these things, but he did. So that's another thing that get thrown at me- I made him change in order to be with me.
I do feel badly about my choices, but- I decided long ago that I could not change what I did, but I could change myself and my behavior. And I did. As soon as we got together, the sleeping around stopped. But then, his opinion of when we got together and my opinion aren't exactly the same. I know I was sending him mixed messages about the nature of our relationship for about a month before we got together. But in my mind, I was confused and mixed up about what I wanted. So my sleeping around continued until I finally told him, that yes, I wanted to be with him. So his interpretation is that I cheated on him. I can understand his feeling on that, given I was sending him mixed messages.
I get the feeling he thinks I should have fallen on the ground in gratitude when he showed up and stopped everything I was doing wrong as soon as he decided I should. I wish I could have stopped my behavior instantly, but I couldn't. I was too messed up.