I think you need to forgive yourself for your past. You were 19, had some personal issues. I think a lot of us out there can hold our hands up to making many mistakes at that age. But you grew up! You got help with medication, and you've done a lot for your family, and been a wonderful mum. Please, life is so hard, please forgive yourself for your past, even if your hubby seems to not. Throwing stuff back at you is really not a good way to have a relationship, and it smacks of immaturity on his behalf. You either love and forgive someone or you don't.

I agree with the others, that he's being abusive. Its always hard leaving someone when its like this, but that's what its like being in an abusive relationship. Seeds of doubt, eroding your confidence, making you feel like you need them, its all part of it.

I do hope you do whatever it is you need to do to make the next 25 years happy ones for you.

Hugs