Hi, thank you for your reply.

I am very lucky with my GP she is there every time I need her without fail but because of my history of taking overdoses she will not prescribe me anything that would help like diazepam. It am terrified that I am not strong enough to live in my mind, fully aware and at full speed, my brain turns into a weapon against me. I have so many things wrong with me mentally and physically and there is nothing I can do about it but learn how to live with it all. I do have the power to stop smoking at last an ailment that can actually be healed, but the consequences if this goes wrong will be extreme. I know it's coming if I attempt it but I feel I have to do this I can't explain it properly but it feels important, a significant decision. It means I am looking to the future, it is strange having been stuck in the past for so long.

Does anyone else feel so utterly dependant on weed to keep them sane and in control?
Has anyone else tried to quit?
How did it effect your mental health when you did?
Or did you have to return to weed?

The unknown in all this I think is what's unsettling me.

Thank you xxx