I don’t even know how to describe what is going on in my head right now, but it is driving me insane.

I feel like I am losing my sense of reality. I keep seeing images that I killed a girl while I was at work, and the story is completely played out. It seems so real. I keep seeing it over and over. But I know it didn’t happen. But my brain keeps trying to tell me it did.

And last night at work, every time I went out on a delivery, I had a complete sense of dread on my way back to the store that I was going to walk back in and see everyone murdered. I could see them all dead in the store in my head. I could see me having to call 911 and trying to save them and me being covered in their blood. It was all so real. It just kept happening over and over. It’s just as real as me killing that girl. But it’s not real. But it feels so real.

I had a delivery to a warehouse last night that terrified me. There was no business sign on it and it looked like an abandoned warehouse. No lights on, no cars parked at it, no mailbox with numbers on it, a pithy chain-link fence surrounded the premises and it was far back from the road. And I had to drive back behind the building to deliver their pizza to them. I was terrified. I thought I was about to be assaulted. What if they are hiding dead bodies in there? Something didn’t feel right about the place.

Something just isn’t right with me right now. Something isn’t right in my head. And I don’t know what to call it. I’d e-mailed my therapist about it and she said it sounds like I am experiencing PTSD symptoms, but I thought flashbacks were to events that actually happened. I’m incredibly confused and stressed out right now. I don’t know what to think.