I like the way you post, dubblemonkey. It allows me to connect to your inner life, allow me to gain a little understanding of your thoughts, emotions and reasonings.

"I have issues...loss!...failure!...grief!...misery!...ins ecurity" That hopelessness.

"I loved more than I hated and I know this cos when I hated more I hated it so much I loved myself better again and however?" That paradoxical will.

"I'm the ultimate back door to everything..." A realization in your own truth.