Ah you sound like me I am confused too. Sometimes I just cannot explain myself/wants/needs etc. I have had several and it is still in the process, Psychotic Disorder NOS, Schizo typal, Schizophrenia (Type is unknown) My shrinks do not explain things to me so information I get is often akward or missing. I was in PH once. I dunno what to say. i do hope to get the things I need. I like to follow my dreams even through deavestating times. Some of it is wonderful too. Where you ever real scared of something for a long amount of time?