One of the things I'm known for is my creativity! But is it possible that it's become something of a negative thing in my life?
Since I was around 12 years old, I started talking to people in my... imagination. I can see them, talk to them and often they talk back, ask questions, answer questions, stuff like that. But they take the place of friends. They also may keep me up at night, even when I'm tired and trying to sleep. This morning I was talking with a psychologist and he gave me some very interesting facts that I didn't know as well as some very keen insights to some things I told him (yes, in my er imagination). Made me wonder to myself if I could see him more often if I would even need a therapist. But I don't really have much control over who I see or who comes to see me.

It would be easy just to say, "well talk to real people and make friends, maybe it'll go away". But they don't :/ for 11 years. Well, I also really like them too. Because I don't feel like I belong to this world. Sometimes it feels like part of me is actually in a different world because the world I see, I've begun to get the idea that it isn't the world people around me see. It feels surreal. Although nothing really feels real. Also, sometimes I'll just be doing whatever, walking, on the pc, watching tv, and everything will get suddenly very bright and I'll have to squint. Usually after a few minutes it goes back to normal. The other day my mom commented that my eyes were extremely dilated... for no apparent reason. Although the room looked pretty normal then... well, normal for me.

I don't understand other people usually, and they don't understand me. Sometimes I've felt like sure, we're both talking English, but we're not speaking the same language. But people still sometimes have that look on their face like they just heard someone talking about their pet miniature pink house hippo.

I just really don't feel like most people. I struggle immensely in routines and structure and with any kind of organization and following instructions. I get overwhelmed very easily. I am 23 years old and I'm struggling a ton with high school credits. Often the reason is because partway through I suddenly have an overwhelming belief of "I can't do this," and it grows and grows to be so strong that no one can say otherwise regardless of how well I have been doing or enjoyed the class. It's the same reason I dropped out of high school when I was 15. This state I get in has only been life threatening once or twice so for the most part it just interferes with school or general life. Pretty hard to imagine getting a job right now.

Okay I said a lot more than I intended... but, I'm just not sure what to do .-. I tried telling this to my nurse case manager but I'm not sure she understands. For now they think I have dysthymia. I feel uncomfortable posting this, but you all seem pretty nice so here goes... Sorry it's so long and a bit of a ramble.