We got into yet another huge argument, courtesy of my bipolar and swinging mood. He was upset because of a joke I made that he took badly. And I spent 4 hours trying to cheer him up. I couldn't. So I get depressed and then irritable. And then I went moody. And then I angered him. And there was an argument. He ignored me. I rang 60 times in one hour, maybe more.

Now. He's said it's over. And I'm sat on the kitchen floor crying. Nothing but a laptop. The not self harming has gone out the window.

Before I met him I was an alcoholic. Drinking a couple of litres of whisky or vodka or both a day. I was suicidal. I was self harming. I was lonely, and depressed, and weak.

He met me. We got together. I didn't need the drink anymore. I didn't want to die because I'd leave him behind. I didn't self harm for months because he didn't like me doing it. I felt loved, happy, and strong.

Now he's gone. And so is all that.

I'm not meant for love. I can't do it. Some might say bipolar can be overcome. But how can I overcome it when it makes me such a difficult person to handle? To love?

I'm unlovable. Everything is gone.
I'm back to square -1. And the world is just as cold and empty as it always was :'(