I understand the whole calorie thing can completely take over your life and you are constantly thinking about it but maybe try to do things to keep your mind off calories. I understand it can control you. I hope your job will help you keep your mind off it, please be strong. Most importantly it's just your mind telling you to be smaller you are clouded from the truth. Try to not keep full length mirrors around the house, it can make it worse. and make a little note of what you actually like about your self. Attempt to make a list such as you like your personality, your eyes, so on. I know it sounds silly but i know it works for some people. I wish you good luck, I really do. Be safe