Quote:
Originally Posted by PAYNE1
See now, you are listening to your mom more than your therapist! Who is the expert? And as you say, who caused your identity issue to begin with?
What is identity? Well, actually when people are asked, "Who are you?" they usually begin with describing the roles they play, and often that begins with what job they hold. But even without a job right now, identity also ties into your hobbies and interests, other roles you play, what you value in life, what your beliefs are. These are created by choices YOU make.
As you say, you have basically been a puppet for your parents, and they have played a role in your being slow about becoming independent and being your own person. (I know how that is. My parents were a lot like that, too.)
It might be hard, but try to start being your own person. You ARE an adult now and you can lead your own life and make your own choices. You don't have to always please your parents. (On the other hand, don't rebel against them for the sake of rebelling.) I hope this helps some! 
Yes, some people do get wrapped up in money. I encourage you to try to find other "interests" as well. |
i am giving a background think before you speak! talk about 16 years of brainwashing ya know? i give backgrounds about myself then work up to present day i dont want people giving out assumptions that aren't true. today, i had my session with my therapist. we talked more about the rearview mirrow syndrome and i told her i do ask a lot of these questions like some kid because i am trying to tie these issues to something that wasnt there growing up to now.
interesting you said u dont have to please your parents. i told my therapist about how we discussed these issues with the job hunting etc are in the back of the trunk and will come back to it later when the time is right. i told her it doesnt help when you have people (parents or not) screaming down your throat like barbarians daily about what u should do.
i told my therapist how my mom said i am almost and i dont have this that or these. it doesnt help either when u graduated in 2010 (or for those later) in this economy and u can not land a job anywhere. she said i need to filter out the info that is gonna be useful and the garbage to let it fly by. she doesnt want me to get defensive every time someone suggests a job hunting idea to me.
well, i have done my own filtering and she told me people don't need to know whether you filter their info or not. i did bring into several sessions ago a paper i typed out on pros/cons of employment. i had more cons than pros because i cant just sit here update/add new skills and there is no income for me to do anything with. she told me put it in your trunk and you will come back to it later.
i told her all of this "fluffy job advice" out there shouldnt be an umbrella where one size fits all and thats the prob i have seen a lot in the job market. i told her my parents are just plain barbarians cant even read a damn book in peace without yapping down my throat! right now, i am not in the mood to be reading i feel i am coming down with something.
she asked me what do you have control over now? i said finding a job and hopefully get employed she said thats all u can do. i did tell her people have told me how "that's not enough for them," which hearing that makes everything overwhelming and she said i agree but you are in different situations than they are so who cares what they think?
i also told her the reason why for years i care about what people think is this is my "odd way" of finding acceptance and she said but that is not a healthy way of finding acceptance. like she told me, this is not an easy road you are on starting over.
honestly, i have always listen to the bad instead of the good and just follow anything/anywhere. she said u have very very limited resources i said i agree i've been telling that to people for a long time yet they feel i have all the resources in the world!
i told her think of it this way my parents drama is like an addict how do you escape an addict? well there's no place for me to go at all.
my therapist said you can control the things you do as you are working on becoming a better you, right? i said yea as well as attending the workshops at the women's center. the other issue i am still not understanding is putting your mind to something you can achieve. i told my bf and therapist what does that mean? sounds nice but what does it mean? i never understood u can put your mind to anything.
so yea, i am still working/figuring out that part.