Psychiatry and alcoholics anonymous are two routes to follow to improve your feeling tone for you.

Your life is being lived from a "need" position rather than from a "helpful" position.

Try to get help so that you learn how to live, not destroy yourself as alcohol and
passion are capable of doing.

Getting clean from alcohol abuse will permit you to see things differently in life and
enable you to establish a healthy, positive, enduring, and caring relationship based
on real love, not deep, unfulfilled needs that make a slave of one.