and this is where it gets downright traumatizing...

Its ALWAYS been excrutiatingly hard for me to voice my needs, because I knew my struggles were different, even though I didn't grasp just how much...

So after 2yrs of people saying "talk to me, I'm here for you, its unhealthy to deal with this alone"...

I tried it. I tried it more than once, even though it nearly killed me to do so...

I asked in a non-violent manner, voiced that I need help, or just some company to get me through this rough patch.

The only one who tried to be there, was my ex, and we are currently trying to rebuild our friendship and I'm not comfortable reaching out to him because my drama hurt him badly last time (bp/bpd episode)

The rest? not once did they even bother to attempt to be there for me, not even after all the times I've been there for them!