(((((( Abby )))))) I could relate to just about everything you wrote in your post - and I admire your openness and ability to articulate what's going on in you - you are describing things that I really struggle to even think to myself.

I agree with MKAC, it does sound like this T is loading her own stuff onto you. It doesn't matter if you don't/can't accept she's human, it's irrelevant whether she's feeling pressured to be what you want her to be - her job is to accept you where you're at (she more or less implies this anyway doesn't she where she says that maybe you both need to accept that this is where you're at?) Perhaps it's taken her this long to accept that herself, and maybe next session will be a lot better.

Sounds to me like you're taking too much responsibility for making the therapy work, you shouldn't have to be dealing with all the things you talked about in your post, by yourself, almost despite having a T.

I'm not sure what to suggest here, if there is anything to suggest even. It sounds like you're in the middle of having to make some weighty decisions so I'm just sending you some hugs and lots of support

Torn