Alm, I understand how you feel. I've had to deal with those exact feelings myself. Like Emily said, it would be a great time to be in therapy. Maybe the issues you have with your father need to be taken out again, aired out and sorted out before he's not here anymore.

When there are issues between a parent and a child, the greiving period can be so much harder if those issues aren't resolved as best as possible.

It's normal to be confused. It's okay. Acceptance of both the good and the bad in your dad can help a whole lot. He's human and is given to both good and bad behavior. Humans are a package deal. We don't have to like parts of them but it's okay to love the rest.

I don't know if knowing how he was treated as a child will help you. It didn't me but it has helped my husband as he sees his dad slip away. He's never confronted his dad, but his dad has told him much of how his young life was. It has put a lot of things into perspective for my husband.

Hope this helps you some.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>