Goodnight Lola- sweet dreams and all that mushy stuff.
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Originally Posted by murray
The thing is, I am concerned about posting much detail at all, but it is hard to explain without much info...sorry. Basically what I have been thinking about is turning my primary CSA perp into the authorities for something completely unrelated to me...morally it might be the right thing to do, as he has been breaking the law...but the real motivation would be to hurt him for hurting me and that's so wrong...and I don't know how to deal with that or any of this. I have tried so hard to not even think about him and now this info was just presented to me out of the blue(by someone who has NO idea that there was an issue in my childhood with this person) and now I don't know what to do. If I did do anything I would never be forgiven for betraying the family....ugh...sorry
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It sounds like you're really in a tough spot Murray. I'm not sure what I would do either, but I have to say that I admire your ability to be honest with yourself in the decision process. Sometimes that's the hardest thing for us to do, and you are out right admitting that your wanting to turn him him to make him suffer the way you have suffered at his hands. When the time comes to make that decision I have confidence you'll do the right thing. hang in there.
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Originally Posted by trdleblue
I had the consultation / interview with the T from the group I may join. I think that I am going to go through with the group, but as far as the meeting goes - ugh, just ugh. Within the first couple of minutes she stopped to ask if I was okay. At this point I started to pinch myself just so I wouldn't lose control. She asked me several times if I was still there. I said yes, but at the very end, after I divulged a few things, I don't think I really was. I realized this as I was meeting alone with my T. I just felt strange and even more disconnected then I can at times. I was in a daze most of the evening, but now I just feel icky. I will add oogie and acky as well.
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Sounds like you were really triggered by your group T experience. Do you think it was just what was talked about, or could it have been because you were in a group environment or both? I know for me the group would send me spinning in terror.