((((((((Sky)))))))))

I don't feel happy. I generally feel like I screwed up my life, but writing this, that wasn't what I was thinking about. I think I'm looking for permission to be who I am. I may be discovering how I define myself, and I have been questioning whether that is okay for a long time, and I haven't gotten any real answers. I guess I shouldn't be looking for those answers from other people, but I need someone to tell me that I can be accepted for these things.

I recognize also that people can't afford enough property to raise animals and fruit, etc. That is what really scares me. Self-sufficiency is out of reach for most people. I'm afraid that it will be out of reach for me too.

I am sad and scared and confused. And I have two papers to write tonight because I won't have time tomorrow, and I don't feel like doing it. I haven't felt like it all week. It has to get done, and I can't even get started. I am so tired, and I don't have time to sleep, and probably won't have time to sleep for two days yet to come. I feel like doing more than beating myself up, but I don't think I'm going to.

Thanks for your reply. It helps things to make more sense to me.

Rap