I love my boyfriend very much. He's the first person who knows so much about me and I feel like I can go to him with anything. I feel very comfortable in his presence, we have so much fun together...

There are a multitude of issues however.

We met online. During this time, it was clear we were only planning on having a casual sexual affair, of an intense nature. He wanted to control, I wanted to submit. In the beginning it was very violent and degrading, and I felt horrible about myself. I had no sense of self preservation and felt empty. I didn't care if I was killed in the process. I only felt like I was worth something if I was being used. He was seeing other girls at the time, I was not seeing anyone other than him. Eventually, though, we started actually getting to know one another. We talked a lot about why were are the way we are, what we really want in life, our past, etc...We still struggle with our sexual tendencies but it's upsetting for both of us and we're trying very hard to respect each other. He cares for me, I care for him. Every now and then we slip up and he'll start degrading me again. Now though, because I've started to build up my self esteem, it's hard to hear those names and to be hit...but I still struggle with my submissiveness so I tend to give in. He knows that and he feels horrible every time.

The other issue: Because of the nature of our relationship in the very beginning, I didn't tell anyone what was going on. I would lie about my whereabouts and so on...eventually my friends started catching on to my bruises and late nights, so I told them I had been seeing someone. I tried explaining how it was consensual, but they still don't believe me. I take the blame for that though- there were nights I wouldn't be able to keep from sobbing after a very intense, sometimes nonconsensual session. So my friends don't believe that I actually want to be with this person.

My boyfriend doesn't know my friends hate him, and so he's never met them due to their unwillingness. He feels like this isn't a real relationship because he's not involved in my life...the other thing is, he's 8 years older than me so I feel like, even if my friends were willing to meet him, they would be uncomfortable with that fact. My parents know I'm seeing him but they don't know his age. If they did, I don't think they would approve.

I don't know what to do. I really really care for this person and we've been through a heck of a lot together. We're trying very hard to help each other pull change our behavior, and we've made a TON of progress. But I feel like, despite my feelings, this won't work. I've tried breaking up with him once but obviously we're still together. I just wish everyone could accept how I feel about him and not worry.

What should I do??? Advice would be lovely.