That kind of makes sense, I guess I do put quite a bit of work into paying attention to how stressed or anxious I am and if I am too irritable to be around people and such. And I am going to therapy. I certainly cannot take klonopin, I do take trazodone though and I still use cannabis I can't seem to get enough sleep or manage my anxiety without outside substances.

As for my confusion about what improvement even is, I suppose i've gradually developed into who I am now.....not quite sure what things I'd want to improve or change and which things I accept and all that. I mean I've thought I was 'improving' more than once only to find out it was quite the opposite so I am not sure how I would even know if there was any improvement of anything.