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I do understand your frustration with your wife not communicating with you. It’s a violation of your trust. You thought things were one way but they were not. We ALL have our perspectives. One is not more right than another. You and I can watch the exact same thing and see entirely different things.
Your feelings are valid. You have a right to be frustrated, angry and hurt. Your family's feelings are valid as well. No one is “right” no one is to blame. There is a huge difference between blame and responsibility. This is a complicated time for all of you. I would gently give you this advice: that bottle is not your friend. It may make you feel better for a minute, but the rest of the day is shot. This will end up biting you in the @ss.
What’s done is done. You cannot change the past, but you can make the future better. I do not know what is going on with your daughter, but if she’s ready, hearing her out and acknowledging that you’ve made mistakes and you understand she’s hurting but you are genuinely trying to make improvements will go a long way in the healing process. I suspect there are some deep wounds here. It took a long time to create them and they will not heal overnight.
I think my next comment is important for you to hear. I’m not a diplomat and while it may come out harsh, please accept it in the spirit in which it’s given. You’re in a difficult position right now. You have had some hard knocks. But wallowing in self-pity isn’t going to change anything. In fact it will make it worse. It is giving you permission to stay where you are rather than grow. Please find some support of your own; whether that is AA or one on one therapy of your own.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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